::when someone departs::

I know it was August, Saturday morning u.s time. We were about to enjoy a party, when we received a call. Dad died. Few days before that we received a call that he drank a poison. Early in the morning I am not up yet my mom woke me up and told me about the news from Philippines, and my mom looked like she was calm but i know for sure she was worried. Then they brought my dad to the hospital, i did still hear his voice wanting to removed the tube from his throat. I can feel his pain, coz my nurse sister told me how painful the tube was to be in the throat.
I can't process on my mind why did dad made that, 4 months before we went here he was still ok. I know my dad, he is not the dad that a lot wants to have. He was a drunkard, i admit that, he was not that good father to us, but he was still our father. I was not that close to him, we always did argue, he never showed to us, his kids that he loved us, but i know he did. One thing i did regret when he was gone that i never did hug him before i left Philippines, coz i thought there was still time for me to do that, i never did tell him the words "i love you" coz i never thought he was gone by that. I never saw his body which have died, because i don't want to. I don't want to remember him as a cold corpse, but i want to remember his face, his living face, the face that laughed with us when we were watching t.v.
Maybe its just hard for me to accept that he died because he committed SUICIDE. That's painful for us, i don't know the reason, his reason, but i know God knows it. I will not hate for my dad for that. Because of what happened to my family, i became stronger, I always learn the hard way. Well its hard that my dad died already but that's life, and i know i can face whatever it is. I am a strong girl.